he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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