I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad