Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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