this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.