His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now