Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he had hair everywhere except his balls