Who wears a wallet chain?!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
