I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
