lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
