im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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