It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
this beer tastes like vomit already
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
