Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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