why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
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I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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