you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
