You're a womanizer and a bitch.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
