And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
