so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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