Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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