Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
