it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
