Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
