Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Still dying that you shit outside
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My penis needs a shock collar
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
