u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Is Oprah even human
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
