yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
