I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
