I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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