what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
sarcasm needs its own font
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
