i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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