apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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