Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
