I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
