I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
