I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
