If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
