Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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