you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
