Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
