Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
