Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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