Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
dude. I can hear the air.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
