i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
