Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
