If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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