That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
