Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
