how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
