Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
