I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
