Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
