it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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