If i come over, it means nothing
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
