I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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