Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
