I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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