is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
