Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
