He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
