some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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