I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
