If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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