I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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