I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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