I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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