we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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