i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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